Here is feedback form expert reviewers. Do you agree?
ABNA Expert Reviewer #1What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
A topical idea, and very original, daring. The intent of combining animal rights issues with the cloning issue pulled me in swiftly and surely, and kept my interest through most of the excerpt.
What aspect needs the most work?
The narrative contained several grammatical errors and awkwardly constructed sentences, which denotes that it isn't ready for publishing yet.
A little bit of soap-boxing--i.e.telegraphing instead of communicating with more nuance. It gave Frank too precious of a personality. I was also a bit sidetracked by the gadget-talk, which didn't add anything to the story.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
The author has a potentially dazzling concept, by combining two hot-button issues and creating a rich world pitting humans against humanized animals. The prose is not yet mature, and contains structural problems that slow or disrupt the narrative. Polish the prose, and add more nuance to the characters. Frank is too overtly precious, and therefore one-dimensional, although the fact of his existence leaves much potential for depth.
ABNA Expert Reviewer #2
What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?
This futuristic novel is very imaginative, incorporating air pollution, the morals and implications of cloning, robot cops, a futuristic version of email, etc. I also liked the part about the pig cake--funny.
What aspect needs the most work?
The writing needs work . . . for example the first sentence is confusing. I had to read it several times to understand what the author was trying to say.
What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?
I think the idea of this book is interesting and could make some great political and ethical statements. It does have an element of silliness to it though with the goofy names for the two cops and the pig wearing a suit so I think the choice of making this a YA book is a good one. It reminds me a little of Feed by MT Anderson which is a teen book. I think the author is on to a good idea. I suggest a critique group or writing class so the writer can get some feedback to make the writing stronger and more effective.
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